The Match.com Scam: You’re Not the Customer — You’re the Bait

9 min readMay 17, 2025

Let me tell you a story — one that might sound familiar if you’ve ever used a dating app and wondered why it felt more like gambling than dating.

I recently got back on Match after letting my subscription lapse. Why did I let it lapse? Because I met someone on Match last August! I deleted the app, stopped logging in, and started a relationship. I didn’t delete my profile — just stepped away.

Upon my return, I uncovered some serious shit. And you’re about to be blown away. It’s staggering. If you’re using Match, you deserve to know how the system actually works.

In this post, I’ll show you exactly how Match:

Exploits emotional vulnerability to bait you into subscribing
Falsely claims you’ll have “millions of matches”
Misleads you with the promise of “free messaging”
Turns your “likes” into tools to pressure others
Can be used effectively— if you understand the system and play it smart

How Match Exploits Vulnerability to Bait You Back

When I logged back into Match, I wasn’t expecting fireworks. I just wanted to take a look.

And what did I see? Six people had “liked” me — that’s what the website said. There was a banner:
“6 Likes — Upgrade to see who is interested.”

I know how Match works. They prey on people, especially those who haven’t logged in for a while, and offer discounts to get you to subscribe. So I decided to run an experiment. I updated my profile, went through the entire checkout process… and purposely didn’t click “Pay.”

The next day? I got a 35% discount offer. Like clockwork.

“Seriously, Scott. We’re giving you full access for less. Plus, 3 members are into you.”

The website said six. The email said three. Four profile photos were attached — none of them matched the people who had actually “liked” me.

After I resubscribed, I discovered the first uncomfortable truth: while I was away, Match was using my profile to market their service.

Some of the people who “liked” me were from a thousand miles away. See, even though I was gone… my profile wasn’t. If you were on Match between August 2024 and May 2025, you may have been served up my inactive profile as bait.

Match targets users like this — especially those who’ve gone quiet. They know when you’re feeling nostalgic, lonely, or hopeful.

When I came back, I didn’t just subscribe — I went all in. I chose the Diamond level.

Originally, I wasn’t planning to go that far. I thought I’d just get the basic subscription. But in a moment of frustration — maybe from the breakup, maybe from being tired of the guessing game — I said screw it.

Not because I thought Match would deliver my soulmate.
But because I was tired of wasting time wondering who was real.

What I didn’t expect was how rare actual subscribers would be.

The “Millions of Matches” Myth

Diamond-level subscribers can see which profiles are also paying. That’s why I recommend it — but only briefly. Because what you see once you’re inside? It’ll probably shock you.

I set my search parameters to:

Men, ages 21–99
Within 200 miles of my rural New England zip code

And fewer than 100 subscribers appeared.

Let that sink in. For a service that boasts “26 million potential matches,” I found fewer than 100 actual subscribers within a huge radius.

At first, I thought — maybe this is a “gay thing.” A man seeking another man might have fewer options on Match. So I changed my profile to a man seeking women and ran the same search again.

I got about 1,800 straight women.

Still a far cry from “millions”… but not bad. (Or at least not as bad as 100).

(And no, I didn’t switch to a woman seeking men. This isn’t a science fair project.)

The point is: even casting a 200-mile net, which includes most of New England, including cities like New York and Boston, the results are a joke compared to the marketing.

The truth: 99% of the people you see on Match aren’t paying customers. They’re window shoppers. Or worse — inactive profiles Match keeps around to sell hope to others.

The “Free Messaging” Trap

Match advertises that if two people “like” each other, they can message for free. Sounds great.

In practice? It’s a trap.

Here’s what happened during a controlled experiment with a friend who lives just a mile away. He’s not a subscriber. I’m a Diamond-level subscriber.

He did a basic search (age 21–99, 200 miles, sorted by distance).
My profile showed up second.
I “liked” him.
He refreshed his search.
I disappeared.

Match pulled me from his search results the second I “liked” him. Why? Because he got a notification:
“Someone liked you.”
But to see who? He’d have to pay.

Let’s extrapolate the rule from this experiment:

If you “like” someone who isn’t a subscriber, you vanish from their search.
The only way they can see you is to pay.

That’s not “free messaging.” That’s a trap — designed to create conversions, not connections.

The truth: You can only message for free if Match let’s you “match” and in order to “match” you have to pay. You become a carrot dangling in front of someone’s wallet. That’s all.

How Your “Likes” Become Match’s Marketing Tools

There are four possible user pairings on Match. Let’s break them down:

1. Neither of You is a Subscriber
Regardless of who “likes” the other.
The other person gets a notification that they see unless they pay.
The person who sent the “like” vanishes from the other person’s search results.
Result: No connection. Just marketing fodder.

2. You’re Both Subscribers
Note: Match doesn’t tell you who’s paying unless you’re a Diamond-level subscriber.
If you “like” each other and message, it works. You see the “likes”. You get the message.
But you’re operating in the dark unless you’ve paid top-tier to identify other subscribers.
BTW — it’s highly unlikely that the subscriber pool will change significantly. So if every new subscriber starts with Diamond and connects with the others, you won’t miss out on anyone.
Result: Message / “Like” gets through.

3. You’re a Subscriber, They’re Not
You “like” them.
They can’t see who you are unless they pay.
You vanish from their search.
Result: You just paid to become an ad.

4. They’re a Non-Subscriber, You Are
They “like” you.
You can see their “like” (because you’re a subscriber).
You “like” them back.
Result: Messaging is unlocked — the one and only “free” path (at least for half the equation).

The truth: if you want to connect with someone, and they’re most likely not a subscriber, there’s only one real option:
Get them to “like” you first. Then — and only then — do you stand a chance.

How to Actually Win at Match (Since it is Clearly Rigged)

If you’re going to use Match, here’s how to stop wasting your time and energy.

1. Subscribe at the Diamond Level — But Only Briefly
Use Diamond for 30–60 days.
Identify real subscribers.
Connect with them.
Then downgrade to a basic subscription. Don’t unsubscribe — the basic plan still lets you see who “liked” you.
Subscribing is the only way Match.com will work for you — but only if you manage your behavior correctly.

2. Build a Killer Profile (But Only If You’re a Subscriber)
Once you’ve connected with the real subscribers, your only move is to attract non-subscribers by getting them to “like” you first. (Remember: if you “like” them, you disappear from their search results, and they see a blurred image unless they pay.)

So, build your profile out completely. No half measures. You have to give someone a reason to connect with you. If you don’t build a profile that attracts likes, then you are wasting your money.
Be charming. Be flirty. Run your sentences through ChatGPT if you need help. Use great photos. Show yourself in action.

Here are some other tips:

Let people know — subtly — that you’re a subscriber. For example:

“I took a break, but I’ve decided to renew my subscription for the summer of 2025.”

Invite people to “like” you:

“Don’t be shy — “like” me. I promise to “like” you back and wish you the best.”

Remember: your only goal is to get people to “like” you. Then you can sort them out.

3. If You’re NOT a Subscriber, Keep Your Profile Minimal
Don’t build out your profile.
You’ll just get spammed with “likes” you can’t see.

4. If You Are a Subscriber, Don’t “Like” Anyone First.
You’re just fueling Match’s marketing engine.
If you “like” someone who isn’t a subscriber, your “like” becomes bait — and you vanish from that person’s results.
Get them to “like” you first. Then respond.

5. If You’re Not a Subscriber, Strive to ID Other Likely Subscribers
Look for detailed, photo-rich profiles — those are probably paying members.
If you do want to send a “Like,” do it for only those. Anything else is a wasted gesture.

6. If You Are a Subscriber, “Like” Everyone Who “Likes” You
Even if you’re not interested — “like” them back.
It reduces Match’s leverage over them, and maybe you’ll help someone out.
Don’t use the app. Use the website — it’s too easy to mis-swipe on mobile.

Burn the Haystack — Match Style

The Burned Haystack Dating Method, created by Jennie Young, flips the usual “needle in a haystack” metaphor. Instead of endlessly searching, you burn the whole haystack down.

It means:

Message with purpose
Block obvious bad fits
Limit your time on the app
Don’t revive dead chats
Treat dating like a focused job search

The idea is to clear out the noise so you can actually spot something real.
Learn more: jennieyoung.substack.com

But Match is a different beast. The algorithm isn’t neutral — it hides and resurfaces users to maximize profit, not compatibility. So your haystack-burning strategy has to evolve.

🔥 Your Match-Specific Burned Haystack Strategy:

Step 1: Join at the Diamond level. That lets you “burn the haystack” by seeing the needles — the actual subscribers.
Step 2: Focus on the subscribers. Connect while you can. You’re not looking for love — you’re doing recon.
Step 3: Downgrade your subscription. Once you’ve found the real users, you don’t need Diamond anymore.
Step 4: Turn your profile into a magnet for the needles to rise to the top of the haystack. Focus on attracting non-subscribers and getting them to “like” you first. That’s the only way to trigger “free” messaging with them.

You can also burn the haystack from the inside:

Block people who are obvious no-gos. This shrinks the pool of people Match can show your profile to — and increases the odds that the right people will see you.

But don’t block dormant users (like I was). They might come back with a subscription.

Think of it like reducing hay around the needle. You want your profile to appear in a smaller, more targeted pool.

Leaving? Strip Your Profile or Be Used as Bait

Taking a break from Match.com? Before you go, save your full profile to a document on your computer. Then strip it down to the minimal profile (I would even delete your pictures). Don’t let Match use you as bait — like they did with me.

Conclusion: Hope Sells Better Than Love

Match isn’t here to help you fall in love.
It’s here to help you almost fall in love — just enough to keep paying.

Every “like”, every message, every offer…
It’s all calibrated to keep you scrolling, subscribing, and alone.

Because once you connect?
They lose a customer.

So no — you’re not a user of Match.
You’re the product.

Match Group, Inc. owns and operates the largest global portfolio of popular online dating services — including Tinder, Match.com, Meetic, OkCupid, Hinge, Plenty of Fish, and OurTime. I have to believe their approach to making money is the same across all platforms, so how they treat unsubscribers and subscribers is likely identical. (In fact, OurTime and Match.com look almost exactly the same — except OurTime has a pink banner and Match.com has a blue one.)